ZAG’S FRAGS:
2007 WEEK 3
Copyright Zagco
A WEEKLY LOOK AT WESTERN ATHLETIC
CONFERENCE FOOTBALL
Zagco
had a wonderful time in
Seattle
last weekend! Yes, losing sucked,
but it was still a fun trip. There
were lots and lots of Bronco fans—it was a veritable Bronco convoy up on
Friday, and the
Emerald
City
was full of Bronco fans no matter where you went on Friday night and Saturday.
Zagco would like to give a shout out to Trey the tailgate guy and Greg
from Boise Plumbing, who has done a lot of solid plumbing work for Zagco’s
cousin recently. Zagco would also
like to say that the best pizza he’s ever had is served in a little place
called Northlake Tavern and Pizza—it’s freakin’ UNREAL pizza.
What’s up with all the late night vegetarian restaurants on University?
Are there THAT many hippy freaks in
Seattle
?
The
Huskies were a solid football team. Give
them full credit. Jake Locker is a
weapon. These Huskies certainly
conjure up memories of the Jim Lambright Dynasty, as a 7-4 record seems almost
certain at this point (although there is no “Sun Bowl” anymore).
Think how good they’d be if their wide receivers could catch the ball!
Anyhoo,
the outcome of the game was MASSIVELY disappointing in so many ways.
Zagco has gone through several stages of grief:
Denial, anger, rage, sudden euphoria, paranoid delusions, temporary crack
abuse, hitting on dudes while sitting on the crapper in bathrooms, etc.
He was going to lash out with all kinds of choice words for players and
coaches. He was even thinking about
moving past the “football phase” of his life and becoming more of a classic
literature aficionado. He thought
long and hard about pulling a Kaiser Söze….
Alas,
when Zagco received the following letter from his friend, the nicely dressed
black mamba named Rizzo, who is back out on the road with his assistant
Chaka-kan the water buffalo helping England Dan and John Ford Coley work some
smaller venues while they hone their big comeback song (the remake of
Queensryche’s Jet City Woman, and they are also working on a version of Sheryl
Crowe’s “Steve McQueen”), Zagco felt that it would be best to let
Rizzo’s post-game analysis speak for itself.
Hence,
Rizzo’s letter to Zagco:
Dear Zagco:
Hope everything is
well with you. I’m fine.
Chaka-kan is also fine, and he’s not drinking as much as last summer.
Stevie showed up last night, drunker than a skunk wearing those hot pants
and some torn fishnets (she knows I love trashy women) and wanting some late
night noogie, but I told her to kiss my patootie.
I’ve about had it with her sneaking around with Lindsey.
She kept following me around, yelling “I will NOT be IGNORED,” as if
she was some kind of post-modern Glen Close in a re-make of Fatal Attraction.
Crazy bitch.
Saw the game, and
I’m sure you are down and out. I
understand. I felt the same way when
Brazil
was eliminated in the last World Cup. Renaldo
and I cried all night long. At any
rate, because you’re my best friend, I wanted to pass along to you some
heartfelt thoughts that I hope help you through this most difficult time, to
wit:
When the 1980’s-era
butt rock band called Whitesnake made a video for the ballad “Here I Go
Again,” they could have given us a video showing a cool car and their
fantastic hair and gyrating hips. It
would have been fine, because it was a damn good song.
But, Whitesnake
didn’t do that. They didn’t stop
there. They didn’t just give us a
video with a Jaguar and a shot of them playing on a soundstage; they gave us a
pre-alcoholic,
pre-beating-Chuck-Finley-with-her-stiletto-heels-while-driving-down-Sunset-Boulevard
Tawny Kitaen, with that hot body and big hair slithering up and down and around
and inside that Jag. God, do you
remember how you felt when you first saw that video?
Tawny Kitaen?! THE Tawny
Kitaen!!! The same smokin’ hot
metal groupie that adorned the cover of Ratt’s 1984 Out of the Cellar
LP and starred in Bachelor Party (not to mention the Indiana Jones
knockoff “The Perils of Gwendolyn)! Whitesnake
gave us a good metal ballad, a cool car, some action shots of them singing, and
Tawny Kitaen. Nice.
Now, remember at the
end of the Fiesta Bowl when the Broncos won the game?
They could have run a draw. But,
they didn’t. They ran a Statue of
Freakin’ Liberty!!!
You know what that
is, Zag? That’s style.
That’s balls. That’s the
King Freakin’ Cobra of the football world is what that is, my bipedal friend!
What I saw last week
from your Boise State Broncos against the Huskies of Washington was that
Whitesnake video without Tawny Kitaen. I
saw the draw play in the Fiesta Bowl. It
made me shake my head, and it made me cry.
Chaka-kan
,
England
Dan, and John Ford Coley and I, along with some business travelers in the hotel
bar, talked about this all night long as we drank Duck Fart after Duck Fart.
Crap, we were all smoking Camels by the end of the night!
Every one there agreed that the Broncos need to get Tawny Kitaen back
into their offense.
At any rate, Zaggy, I
realize this is a somewhat elliptical and metaphoric analysis, but I am at a
point in my life (as you know) where I often think that the best way to offer
advice and criticism is to do in an indirect or unexpected way, similar to how
the Germans went around the Maginot Line in World War II.
Chaka-kan and I plan
on working another few days with these guys, but we told them we had to be back
in
Cali
before the weekend in order to straighten everything out with the Rice-a-Roni
people. By the way, I listed you as
a reference with them, so if you get a call tell them I’m in
Spain
or somewhere like that.
Take care.
Your friend,
Rizzo
P.S.
Have you seen the Director’s Cut of Wild Things?
If not, run—DO NOT WALK—to the nearest movie store.
Utah
State
Aggies v.
Oklahoma
Sooners
Where:
Norman
,
Oklahoma
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 1:30 p.m. MT (FSSW)
Zagco
is not going to waste his time analyzing this game.
Oklahoma
will take out all of its pent-up anger over being beaten by a WAC team in the
Fiesta Bowl on the hapless Utah State Aggies.
The only thing Zagco will say is that IF Utah State runs a Hook and Ladder or a
Statue of Liberty, it would be sooooooooo funny.
Oklahoma
wins a laugher over
Utah
State
.
Louisiana
Tech
Bulldogs v.
California
Golden Bears
Where:
Berkeley
,
California
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 4:30 p.m. MT
Here’s
another joke of a game. What’s the
point in analyzing it? Zagco is not
going to patronize his readers by pretending to really think about this game.
Cal
will beat the holy living crap out of La Tech.
Fresno
State
Bulldogs v.
Oregon
Ducks
Where:
Eugene
,
Oregon
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 5:00 p.m. MT (ESPN Gameplan)
Fresno
was impressive last week, even though they
dropped an overtime thriller to Texas A&M.
Zagco expected much worse. Pat
Hill still has them fighting! Tom Brandstater looks pretty decent. They
appear to be spreading the ball around on offense.
Their defense looks good.
Oregon
, on the other hand, looks REALLY good.
They put beatdowns on
Houston
and
Michigan
. Running back Jonathon Stewart is a
load, and Duck quarterback Dennis Dickson is doing it all, throwing for 426
yards and running for 217 yards, and accounting for 7 touchdowns.
Fresno
’s second straight road game against a good
BCS team is, once again, going to prove to be too much.
Nike’s
Marketing Department will defeat
Fresno
.
Hawaii
Rainbow Warriors v. UNLV Runnin’
Rebels
Where: Vega$
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 7:30 p.m. MT (mtn.)
Hawaii
almost lost to La Tech.
Their BCS dreams are perhaps slightly more distant, with the crappy
schedule and the razor-thin overtime victory over a disrespected La Tech team
hung around their neck like a noose. Voters
need to see them hang a hundred on someone.
Now,
they go to Vega$, where your wildest dreams can come true.
The Mountain West Conference’s Runnin’ Rebels are 1-1, with a win on
the road at
Utah
State
and a very close loss at home to #7
Wisconsin
. The Rebel offense is all Travis Dixon, the quarterback who has passed for 399 yards, rushed for 134 yards, and
accounted for 2 touchdowns.
Hawaii
is everything we expected, although their
defense might actually be worse than we thought it would be.
The La Tech game also showed us how the
Run-and-Shoot-yourself-in-the-foot offense can be exploited via a methodical
ball control game. It’s almost as
if the better the offense is, the more a prepared opponent can exploit the ball
control aspect of the game. Remember
the Buffalo Bills coming back from 34 points down against the Houston Oilers in
the famous 1994 playoff game known as “The Comeback?”
The Oilers were a Run-and-Shoot team with 9 Pro Bowlers, and their
offense was AWESOME. They had the
fourth best defense in the league. Yet…..
Zagco
is not 100% confident in this game, but he’s about 98.6% confident.
If it’s not a blowout, the Rainbow Warriors can always try to convince
the poll voters that what happens in Vega$ stays in Vega$.
Hawaii
will defeat UNLV.
Nicholls
State
Colonels v.
Reno
Wolfpack
Where:
Reno
,
Nevada
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 7:00 p.m. MT (ESPN Gameplan)
Right
off the bat, please allow Zagco to say that he was relatively impressed with how
Reno hung in there against Northwestern last week, although they did implode
late in the game. After the first
week’s humiliating loss to
Nebraska
,
Reno
could have just tanked it against craptastic Northwestern.
Nicholls
State
is a I-AA team that is actually pretty decent.
They are ranked #18, and they are undefeated this season.
Last week, they beat
Southern Arkansas
at home, and the week before, they defeated Rice on the road.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Zagco
is not a big
Reno
fan this year, but he thinks Chris Ault will have them ready for this game.
One good thing about Chris Ault that contrasts sharply with
Reno
’s prior coaches is that he very, very rarely loses these kinds of games.
Reno
will finally get a win, beating
I-AA
Nicholls
State
.
UTEP Miners v.
New Mexico
State
Aggies
Where:
Las Cruces
,
New Mexico
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 6:00 p.m. MT
This
is another tough game for
New Mexico
State
. Last week, Zagco accurately
predicted a loss to archrival
New Mexico
. They get their second straight
game against an archrival, Mike Price’s UTEP Miners.
UTEP
is 1-1, with a win against
New Mexico
at home (10-6) and a loss to Texas Tech on the road (45-31).
They appear to be more of a rushing team, as their quarterback is only
18-47 for 261 yards and 2 touchdowns. The
Aggies lost to
New Mexico
on the road by a 44-34 score. They
appear to have their offense clicking very well, although frighteningly turnover
prone. Their defense is troublingly
bad.
Zagco
has a bad feeling about
New Mexico
State
. He was high on them at the
beginning of the year, but he apparently overestimated the ability of the
coaches to put together some semblance of a defense.
Hal Mumme’s on his way out.
The
Miners will defeat the Aggies.
Idaho
Vandals v.
Washington
State
Cougars
Where:
Pullman
,
Washington
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 8:00 p.m. MT (FSNW)
Zagco
kinda likes
Idaho
coach Rob Akey. Like Tom Cable before him, he seems to be really cleaning out
the riff-raff, except the fans seem to be more supportive of him, which is
common with Vandals when a new coach arrives.
They’ll turn on him soon, like jackals.
Anyhoo,
Zagco’s admiration for Vandal headman Rob Akey went up even further when he
read this snippet earlier this week in Brian Murphy’s column in the Idaho
Statesman (link: http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/157512.html)
:
Idaho
coach Robb Akey was talking
about leadership of a different kind during his conference call with media
members today.
When asked — again — about the roster turnover that occurred this
off-season, Akey did not shy away from the topic or the circumstances that led
to the turnover.
Drug use, cheating and stealing all played a part, Akey said.
“It’s closer to 19 (kids). There were two kids in that group who
decided that college football wasn’t for them for any longer,” Akey said.
“And the rest of them was some sort of a character flaw, basically. I
was amazed with some of the things we dealt with in regards to the drug
involvement, the cheating, the stealing, and things like that.
Zagco, as an
Idaho
citizen and taxpayer, already feels safer, and he’s glad that at least
someone appears to be honest about the serious problems that have been going on
in
Moscow
for years. Hopefully, the Vandal
administrators and boosters won’t screw him over like they did to Tom Cable!
Anyhoo
,
Idaho
’s going to lose this game.
Their freshman quarterback actually performed WORSE against I-AA Cal Poly
San Luis Obispo than he did against USC. He
is now 23-56 (41.07%) for 256 yards and 1 touchdown.
He has the worst pass efficiency rating in the WAC.
The Vandals were anemic against the winless I-AA Mustangs at home, in
front of a crowd announced at about 9,000 fans (which means about 5,000 showed
up). They needed multiple turnovers
from Cal Poly to overcome being outgained by the lowly Mustangs.
The lone bright spot for the Vandals was their freshman running Deonte Jackson, who leads the WAC with 313 yards rushing (6 yards per carry).
Nice job, Deonte.
Meanwhile,
Washington
State
was putting the hurt on
San Diego
State
in
Seattle
. The Cougars beat the Aztecs by a
score of 45-17. A week earlier, they
hung tough on the road against the #7 Wisconsin Badgers until a fourth quarter
meltdown. Former Bronco commit Alex Brink, who would be wearing a hat backwards and carrying a clipboard if he’d
kept his word and come to
Boise
State
, is having a damn fine year so far. The
Cougs look pretty good.
Washington
State
will defeat
Idaho
.
San Jose
Can You See Spartans v. Stanford
Cardinal
Where:
Palo Alto
,
California
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 8:00 p.m. MT (FSBA)
Yonus Davis will not play in this game. Adam Tafralis, who injured an arm last week, will play, although Coach Dick Tomey—a
totally decent guy—actually played him at wide receiver (!) for a few plays
last week.
Stanford
sucks, or should Zagco say “Stanford suck.”
The Cardinal is 0-1, and it lost to UCLA by a score of 45-17.
However, this is a big game for Stanford because it gets to play in its
new stadium. Its fan should be
really, really excited. Zagco
expects a barnburner.
San Jose
is at the bottom of the WAC in both offensive
and defensive statistics. They just
look like crap. With Yonus Davis
injured since his first carry of the year, and Adam Tafralis putting up HORRIBLE
numbers (the new receiving crew has not gelled) and even being moved to wide
receiver for a few plays, it’s hard to pick them to win anything.
Zagco was going to pick
San Jose
in this game until last week, and after thinking it through, he just cannot
bring himself to support the Bay Area Spartans.
Stanford is also playing to avenge last year’s loss to
San Jose
.
Stanford
will defeat San Jose Can You See.
Wyoming
Cowboys v.
Boise
State
Broncos
Where: The Blue
When: Saturday, September 15, 2007
at 6:00 p.m. MT (KTVB, ESPN Gameplan)
MEMO
TO THE BOISE STATE OFFENSIVE LINE, A/K/A THE “CATTLE IN SEATTLE”:
Get off your asses and knock someone down.
MEMO
TO MR. RYAN CLADY: Four penalties
sucks. Get to work with those 15
pound dumbbells.
MEMO
TO THE OFFENSE: You have to really want
to score, and you can’t be afraid to do it.
MEMO
TO THE DEFENSE: Nice second half
recovery, but you didn’t look much more inspired than the offense.
You kept the game from getting out of hand, but so did the 4 or 5 second
half drops by wide open
Washington
receivers.
MEMO
TO TITUS YOUNG: We need you, like
the flower needs the rain. Don’t
let it go to your head.
Boise
State
better get off its butt this week.
We need to see some fire! We
need to see a team that wants to win and knows how to win.
Zagco wants and EXPECTS to see the same kind of confidence and spirit
that Darryl Dawkins brought to the NBA, which he best displayed when he named
his first backboard-breaking dunk the “Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Robizine-Crying,
Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump Roasting, Bun-Toasting,
Wham-Bam-Glass-Breaker-I-Am-Jam. That’s
what Zagco’s talkin’ ‘bout! YEH!!!!
Anyhoo
,
Wyoming
’s tough.
The ‘pokes know how to frustrate the holy living crap out of ya, with
their boots and their swagger and their Lee jeans and their pistols and their
snoose and their buttless chaps, like Fartman.
They’re 2-0, putting beatdowns on
Virginia
and
Utah
State
at home, although the game against
Utah
State
was closer than expected, with the Aggies leading until the fourth quarter.
Quarterback Karsten Sween is having a solid year (44-66-433-2), and two
‘poke running backs are each well over 150 yards in rushing.
Wyoming
looks impressive.
Zagco’s concerns about
Boise
State
are as follows:
1.
What’s going on with the offensive line?
Against Weber, our backups couldn’t do anything.
Last week, our starters looked crappy with respect to run blocking.
They looked good with pass blocking.
This unit should be a strength, but what we’ve seen so far leads Zagco
to wonder if we overestimated what we have.
2.
Is Ian Johnson a lone man?
Our backups were completely a nonfactor last week.
Wow. We cannot play with one
running back.
3.
Taylor Tharp had a good game in many respects, but four
turnovers is four too many. He’s
got an impressive pocket presence, but he failed to run on a couple occasions
when everyone could see that the run was there.
We cannot completely cede this part of the game.
Taylor
may not be Z running the ball, but he’s got to do it once in awhile.
The jury is still out on Mr. Tharp.
4.
The dropped pick early in the game was a killer.
That was an easy pick, similar in some respects to Andy Avalos’ pick in
the Liberty Bowl. We had other picks
that we missed. The defense has got
to WANT to take the ball away. Don’t
be afraid.
5.
Where’s the playcalling style?
Zagco’s sorry, but last week’s playcalling would have made a
post-modern Darrell Royal proud. Zagco’s
not talking trick plays either, just some kind of theme or inspiration.
From the get-go, our offense played on its heels.
Especially when we drove down close, our playcalling often seemed to be
designed to put us in holes that we were forever digging out from.
Some might argue it was execution, but Zagco just felt like the
playcalling was rather lame, and he agrees the execution sucked too.
6.
When are the Cheerleaders going to
QUIT leading the “
Boise
State
” cheer when we’re on offense?
7.
Frankly, Zagco thinks we need to
go deep over the middle a few more times. What’s
to lose? Just go up top.
Go deep. It’ll make them
think. You WANT them to think.
8.
How did we get into a situation
where we have two freshmen leading our kicking games?
How did that happen? Regardless,
it’s time to get over the nerves. Zagco
was averaging 35 yards per punt when he was in junior high school!
Crap!!! Where’s Ray Guy?
9.
51 yard field goal attempts on the
road with a freshman kicker when you’re down by two touchdowns and would still
need to score two touchdowns to win the game even if the kick was good?
Seriously?!? Wonder what
defense
Washington
called on that one? The
“try-not-to-laugh” defense?
10.
The defense also has to WANT to
tackle someone. Generally, the other
team doesn’t fall down when you touch them.
Zagco
knows his analysis sounds harsh, but he’s had it!
Zagco is done pussyfooting around, walking around town with a glazed look
in his eyes as he wears his Fiesta Bowl hat, his Fiesta Bowl t-shirt, his Fiesta
Bowl underwear, his Fiesta Bowl socks, his Fiesta Bowl keychain, etc.
He’s done watching the Fiesta Bowl DVD, reliving the salad days from
nine months ago. IT’S OVER!!!!
No more of this crap. This
team needs to get off its ass now! It’s
show time, people!!!!
Anyhoo….
It’s
times like these, when Zagco’s deep, profound love for Boise State can only be
explained by the magical words of the late, great Barry White, who gave us the
Love Unlimited Orchestra. When Zagco
hears these words from his favorite Barry White song, he feels the love that you
can only feel for that special woman or your favorite college football team:
I've
heard people say that
Too much of anything is not good for you, baby
Oh no
But I don't know about that
There's many times that we've loved
We've shared love and made love
It doesn't seem to me like it's enough
There's just not enough of it
There's just not enough
Oh oh, babe
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Boise
State
will defeat
Wyoming
. Solid.
All content ©2007 BroncoCountry.com/Scout.com.