Zag's Frags.. Week 3

BroncoCountry.com is proud to bring you Zag's Frags.. musings and WAC football predictions from the irrepressible, irreverent and sometimes irrational Zagco. From Honolulu to Ruston, Moscow to Las Cruces and beyond, Zagco tells you exactly what you need to know about what is happening this week in the WAC.

ZAG’S FRAGS:  2007 WEEK 3

Copyright Zagco

 A WEEKLY LOOK AT WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE FOOTBALL

Zagco had a wonderful time in Seattle last weekend!  Yes, losing sucked, but it was still a fun trip.  There were lots and lots of Bronco fans—it was a veritable Bronco convoy up on Friday, and the Emerald City was full of Bronco fans no matter where you went on Friday night and Saturday.  Zagco would like to give a shout out to Trey the tailgate guy and Greg from Boise Plumbing, who has done a lot of solid plumbing work for Zagco’s cousin recently.  Zagco would also like to say that the best pizza he’s ever had is served in a little place called Northlake Tavern and Pizza—it’s freakin’ UNREAL pizza.  What’s up with all the late night vegetarian restaurants on University?  Are there THAT many hippy freaks in Seattle ?

The Huskies were a solid football team.  Give them full credit.  Jake Locker is a weapon.  These Huskies certainly conjure up memories of the Jim Lambright Dynasty, as a 7-4 record seems almost certain at this point (although there is no “Sun Bowl” anymore).  Think how good they’d be if their wide receivers could catch the ball!

Anyhoo, the outcome of the game was MASSIVELY disappointing in so many ways.  Zagco has gone through several stages of grief:  Denial, anger, rage, sudden euphoria, paranoid delusions, temporary crack abuse, hitting on dudes while sitting on the crapper in bathrooms, etc.  He was going to lash out with all kinds of choice words for players and coaches.  He was even thinking about moving past the “football phase” of his life and becoming more of a classic literature aficionado.  He thought long and hard about pulling a Kaiser Söze….

Alas, when Zagco received the following letter from his friend, the nicely dressed black mamba named Rizzo, who is back out on the road with his assistant Chaka-kan the water buffalo helping England Dan and John Ford Coley work some smaller venues while they hone their big comeback song (the remake of Queensryche’s Jet City Woman, and they are also working on a version of Sheryl Crowe’s “Steve McQueen”), Zagco felt that it would be best to let Rizzo’s post-game analysis speak for itself. 

Hence, Rizzo’s letter to Zagco:

Dear Zagco:

Hope everything is well with you.  I’m fine.  Chaka-kan is also fine, and he’s not drinking as much as last summer.  Stevie showed up last night, drunker than a skunk wearing those hot pants and some torn fishnets (she knows I love trashy women) and wanting some late night noogie, but I told her to kiss my patootie.  I’ve about had it with her sneaking around with Lindsey.  She kept following me around, yelling “I will NOT be IGNORED,” as if she was some kind of post-modern Glen Close in a re-make of Fatal Attraction.  Crazy bitch.

Saw the game, and I’m sure you are down and out.  I understand.  I felt the same way when Brazil was eliminated in the last World Cup.  Renaldo and I cried all night long.  At any rate, because you’re my best friend, I wanted to pass along to you some heartfelt thoughts that I hope help you through this most difficult time, to wit:

When the 1980’s-era butt rock band called Whitesnake made a video for the ballad “Here I Go Again,” they could have given us a video showing a cool car and their fantastic hair and gyrating hips.  It would have been fine, because it was a damn good song.

But, Whitesnake didn’t do that.  They didn’t stop there.  They didn’t just give us a video with a Jaguar and a shot of them playing on a soundstage; they gave us a pre-alcoholic, pre-beating-Chuck-Finley-with-her-stiletto-heels-while-driving-down-Sunset-Boulevard Tawny Kitaen, with that hot body and big hair slithering up and down and around and inside that Jag.  God, do you remember how you felt when you first saw that video?  Tawny Kitaen?!  THE Tawny Kitaen!!!  The same smokin’ hot metal groupie that adorned the cover of Ratt’s 1984 Out of the Cellar  LP and starred in Bachelor Party (not to mention the Indiana Jones knockoff “The Perils of Gwendolyn)!  Whitesnake gave us a good metal ballad, a cool car, some action shots of them singing, and Tawny Kitaen.  Nice.

Now, remember at the end of the Fiesta Bowl when the Broncos won the game?  They could have run a draw.  But, they didn’t.  They ran a Statue of Freakin’ Liberty!!! 

You know what that is, Zag?  That’s style.  That’s balls.  That’s the King Freakin’ Cobra of the football world is what that is, my bipedal friend! 

What I saw last week from your Boise State Broncos against the Huskies of Washington was that Whitesnake video without Tawny Kitaen.  I saw the draw play in the Fiesta Bowl.  It made me shake my head, and it made me cry.  Chaka-kan , England Dan, and John Ford Coley and I, along with some business travelers in the hotel bar, talked about this all night long as we drank Duck Fart after Duck Fart.  Crap, we were all smoking Camels by the end of the night!  Every one there agreed that the Broncos need to get Tawny Kitaen back into their offense.

At any rate, Zaggy, I realize this is a somewhat elliptical and metaphoric analysis, but I am at a point in my life (as you know) where I often think that the best way to offer advice and criticism is to do in an indirect or unexpected way, similar to how the Germans went around the Maginot Line in World War II.

Chaka-kan and I plan on working another few days with these guys, but we told them we had to be back in Cali before the weekend in order to straighten everything out with the Rice-a-Roni people.  By the way, I listed you as a reference with them, so if you get a call tell them I’m in Spain or somewhere like that.

Take care.

Your friend,

Rizzo

P.S.  Have you seen the Director’s Cut of Wild Things?  If not, run—DO NOT WALK—to the nearest movie store.

Utah State Aggies v. Oklahoma Sooners
Where:  Norman , Oklahoma
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 1:30 p.m. MT (FSSW)

Zagco is not going to waste his time analyzing this game.  Oklahoma will take out all of its pent-up anger over being beaten by a WAC team in the Fiesta Bowl on the hapless Utah State Aggies.

The only thing Zagco will say is that IF Utah State runs a Hook and Ladder or a Statue of Liberty, it would be sooooooooo funny.

Oklahoma wins a laugher over Utah State .

Louisiana Tech Bulldogs v. California Golden Bears
Where:  Berkeley , California
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 4:30 p.m. MT

Here’s another joke of a game.  What’s the point in analyzing it?  Zagco is not going to patronize his readers by pretending to really think about this game.

Cal will beat the holy living crap out of La Tech.

Fresno State Bulldogs v. Oregon Ducks
Where:  Eugene , Oregon
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 5:00 p.m. MT (ESPN Gameplan)

Fresno was impressive last week, even though they dropped an overtime thriller to Texas A&M.  Zagco expected much worse.  Pat Hill still has them fighting!  Tom Brandstater looks pretty decent.  They appear to be spreading the ball around on offense.  Their defense looks good.

Oregon , on the other hand, looks REALLY good.  They put beatdowns on Houston and Michigan .  Running back Jonathon Stewart is a load, and Duck quarterback Dennis Dickson is doing it all, throwing for 426 yards and running for 217 yards, and accounting for 7 touchdowns. 

Fresno ’s second straight road game against a good BCS team is, once again, going to prove to be too much.

Nike’s Marketing Department will defeat Fresno .

Hawaii Rainbow Warriors v. UNLV Runnin’ Rebels
Where:  Vega$
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 7:30 p.m. MT (mtn.)

Hawaii almost lost to La Tech.  Their BCS dreams are perhaps slightly more distant, with the crappy schedule and the razor-thin overtime victory over a disrespected La Tech team hung around their neck like a noose.  Voters need to see them hang a hundred on someone.

Now, they go to Vega$, where your wildest dreams can come true.  The Mountain West Conference’s Runnin’ Rebels are 1-1, with a win on the road at Utah State and a very close loss at home to #7 Wisconsin .  The Rebel offense is all Travis Dixon, the quarterback who has passed for 399 yards, rushed for 134 yards, and accounted for 2 touchdowns.

Hawaii is everything we expected, although their defense might actually be worse than we thought it would be.  The La Tech game also showed us how the Run-and-Shoot-yourself-in-the-foot offense can be exploited via a methodical ball control game.  It’s almost as if the better the offense is, the more a prepared opponent can exploit the ball control aspect of the game.  Remember the Buffalo Bills coming back from 34 points down against the Houston Oilers in the famous 1994 playoff game known as “The Comeback?”  The Oilers were a Run-and-Shoot team with 9 Pro Bowlers, and their offense was AWESOME.  They had the fourth best defense in the league.  Yet…..

Zagco is not 100% confident in this game, but he’s about 98.6% confident.  If it’s not a blowout, the Rainbow Warriors can always try to convince the poll voters that what happens in Vega$ stays in Vega$.

Hawaii will defeat UNLV.

Nicholls State Colonels v. Reno Wolfpack
Where:  Reno , Nevada
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 7:00 p.m. MT (ESPN Gameplan)

Right off the bat, please allow Zagco to say that he was relatively impressed with how Reno hung in there against Northwestern last week, although they did implode late in the game.  After the first week’s humiliating loss to Nebraska , Reno could have just tanked it against craptastic Northwestern.

Nicholls State is a I-AA team that is actually pretty decent.  They are ranked #18, and they are undefeated this season.  Last week, they beat Southern Arkansas at home, and the week before, they defeated Rice on the road.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

Zagco is not a big Reno fan this year, but he thinks Chris Ault will have them ready for this game.  One good thing about Chris Ault that contrasts sharply with Reno ’s prior coaches is that he very, very rarely loses these kinds of games.

Reno will finally get a win, beating I-AA Nicholls State .

UTEP Miners v. New Mexico State Aggies
Where:  Las Cruces , New Mexico
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. MT

This is another tough game for New Mexico State .  Last week, Zagco accurately predicted a loss to archrival New Mexico .  They get their second straight game against an archrival, Mike Price’s UTEP Miners.

UTEP is 1-1, with a win against New Mexico at home (10-6) and a loss to Texas Tech on the road (45-31).  They appear to be more of a rushing team, as their quarterback is only 18-47 for 261 yards and 2 touchdowns.  The Aggies lost to New Mexico on the road by a 44-34 score.  They appear to have their offense clicking very well, although frighteningly turnover prone.  Their defense is troublingly bad.

Zagco has a bad feeling about New Mexico State .  He was high on them at the beginning of the year, but he apparently overestimated the ability of the coaches to put together some semblance of a defense.  Hal Mumme’s on his way out. 

The Miners will defeat the Aggies.

Idaho Vandals v. Washington State Cougars
Where:  Pullman , Washington
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 8:00 p.m. MT (FSNW)

Zagco kinda likes Idaho coach Rob Akey. Like Tom Cable before him, he seems to be really cleaning out the riff-raff, except the fans seem to be more supportive of him, which is common with Vandals when a new coach arrives.  They’ll turn on him soon, like jackals.

Anyhoo, Zagco’s admiration for Vandal headman Rob Akey went up even further when he read this snippet earlier this week in Brian Murphy’s column in the Idaho Statesman (link: http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/157512.html) :

Idaho coach Robb Akey was talking about leadership of a different kind during his conference call with media members today.

When asked — again — about the roster turnover that occurred this off-season, Akey did not shy away from the topic or the circumstances that led to the turnover.

Drug use, cheating and stealing all played a part, Akey said.

“It’s closer to 19 (kids). There were two kids in that group who decided that college football wasn’t for them for any longer,” Akey said.

“And the rest of them was some sort of a character flaw, basically. I was amazed with some of the things we dealt with in regards to the drug involvement, the cheating, the stealing, and things like that.

Zagco, as an Idaho citizen and taxpayer, already feels safer, and he’s glad that at least someone appears to be honest about the serious problems that have been going on in Moscow for years.  Hopefully, the Vandal administrators and boosters won’t screw him over like they did to Tom Cable!

Anyhoo , Idaho ’s going to lose this game.  Their freshman quarterback actually performed WORSE against I-AA Cal Poly San Luis Obispo than he did against USC.  He is now 23-56 (41.07%) for 256 yards and 1 touchdown.  He has the worst pass efficiency rating in the WAC.  The Vandals were anemic against the winless I-AA Mustangs at home, in front of a crowd announced at about 9,000 fans (which means about 5,000 showed up).  They needed multiple turnovers from Cal Poly to overcome being outgained by the lowly Mustangs.  The lone bright spot for the Vandals was their freshman running Deonte Jackson, who leads the WAC with 313 yards rushing (6 yards per carry).  Nice job, Deonte.

Meanwhile, Washington State was putting the hurt on San Diego State in Seattle .  The Cougars beat the Aztecs by a score of 45-17.  A week earlier, they hung tough on the road against the #7 Wisconsin Badgers until a fourth quarter meltdown.  Former Bronco commit Alex Brink, who would be wearing a hat backwards and carrying a clipboard if he’d kept his word and come to Boise State , is having a damn fine year so far.  The Cougs look pretty good.

Washington State will defeat Idaho .

San Jose Can You See Spartans v. Stanford Cardinal
Where:  Palo Alto , California
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 8:00 p.m. MT (FSBA)

Yonus Davis will not play in this game.  Adam Tafralis, who injured an arm last week, will play, although Coach Dick Tomey—a totally decent guy—actually played him at wide receiver (!) for a few plays last week. 

Stanford sucks, or should Zagco say “Stanford suck.”  The Cardinal is 0-1, and it lost to UCLA by a score of 45-17.  However, this is a big game for Stanford because it gets to play in its new stadium.  Its fan should be really, really excited.  Zagco expects a barnburner.

San Jose is at the bottom of the WAC in both offensive and defensive statistics.  They just look like crap.  With Yonus Davis injured since his first carry of the year, and Adam Tafralis putting up HORRIBLE numbers (the new receiving crew has not gelled) and even being moved to wide receiver for a few plays, it’s hard to pick them to win anything.  Zagco was going to pick San Jose in this game until last week, and after thinking it through, he just cannot bring himself to support the Bay Area Spartans.  Stanford is also playing to avenge last year’s loss to San Jose .

Stanford will defeat San Jose Can You See. 

Wyoming Cowboys v. Boise State Broncos
Where:  The Blue
When:  Saturday, September 15, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. MT (KTVB, ESPN Gameplan)

MEMO TO THE BOISE STATE OFFENSIVE LINE, A/K/A THE “CATTLE IN SEATTLE”:  Get off your asses and knock someone down.

MEMO TO MR. RYAN CLADY:  Four penalties sucks.  Get to work with those 15 pound dumbbells.

MEMO TO THE OFFENSE:  You have to really want to score, and you can’t be afraid to do it.

MEMO TO THE DEFENSE:  Nice second half recovery, but you didn’t look much more inspired than the offense.  You kept the game from getting out of hand, but so did the 4 or 5 second half drops by wide open Washington receivers.

MEMO TO TITUS YOUNG:  We need you, like the flower needs the rain.  Don’t let it go to your head.

Boise State better get off its butt this week.  We need to see some fire!  We need to see a team that wants to win and knows how to win.  Zagco wants and EXPECTS to see the same kind of confidence and spirit that Darryl Dawkins brought to the NBA, which he best displayed when he named his first backboard-breaking dunk the “Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Robizine-Crying, Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump Roasting, Bun-Toasting, Wham-Bam-Glass-Breaker-I-Am-Jam.  That’s what Zagco’s talkin’ ‘bout!  YEH!!!!

Anyhoo , Wyoming ’s tough.  The ‘pokes know how to frustrate the holy living crap out of ya, with their boots and their swagger and their Lee jeans and their pistols and their snoose and their buttless chaps, like Fartman.  They’re 2-0, putting beatdowns on Virginia and Utah State at home, although the game against Utah State was closer than expected, with the Aggies leading until the fourth quarter.  Quarterback Karsten Sween is having a solid year (44-66-433-2), and two ‘poke running backs are each well over 150 yards in rushing.  Wyoming looks impressive.

Zagco’s concerns about Boise State are as follows:  

1.                  What’s going on with the offensive line?  Against Weber, our backups couldn’t do anything.  Last week, our starters looked crappy with respect to run blocking.  They looked good with pass blocking.  This unit should be a strength, but what we’ve seen so far leads Zagco to wonder if we overestimated what we have.

2.                  Is Ian Johnson a lone man?  Our backups were completely a nonfactor last week.  Wow.  We cannot play with one running back.

3.                  Taylor Tharp had a good game in many respects, but four turnovers is four too many.  He’s got an impressive pocket presence, but he failed to run on a couple occasions when everyone could see that the run was there.  We cannot completely cede this part of the game.  Taylor may not be Z running the ball, but he’s got to do it once in awhile.  The jury is still out on Mr. Tharp.

4.                  The dropped pick early in the game was a killer.  That was an easy pick, similar in some respects to Andy Avalos’ pick in the Liberty Bowl.  We had other picks that we missed.  The defense has got to WANT to take the ball away.  Don’t be afraid.

5.                  Where’s the playcalling style?  Zagco’s sorry, but last week’s playcalling would have made a post-modern Darrell Royal proud.  Zagco’s not talking trick plays either, just some kind of theme or inspiration.  From the get-go, our offense played on its heels.  Especially when we drove down close, our playcalling often seemed to be designed to put us in holes that we were forever digging out from.  Some might argue it was execution, but Zagco just felt like the playcalling was rather lame, and he agrees the execution sucked too.

6.                  When are the Cheerleaders going to QUIT leading the “ Boise State ” cheer when we’re on offense?

7.                  Frankly, Zagco thinks we need to go deep over the middle a few more times.  What’s to lose?  Just go up top.  Go deep.  It’ll make them think.  You WANT them to think.

8.                  How did we get into a situation where we have two freshmen leading our kicking games?  How did that happen?  Regardless, it’s time to get over the nerves.  Zagco was averaging 35 yards per punt when he was in junior high school!  Crap!!!  Where’s Ray Guy?

9.                  51 yard field goal attempts on the road with a freshman kicker when you’re down by two touchdowns and would still need to score two touchdowns to win the game even if the kick was good?  Seriously?!?  Wonder what defense Washington called on that one?  The “try-not-to-laugh” defense?

10.             The defense also has to WANT to tackle someone.  Generally, the other team doesn’t fall down when you touch them.

Zagco knows his analysis sounds harsh, but he’s had it!  Zagco is done pussyfooting around, walking around town with a glazed look in his eyes as he wears his Fiesta Bowl hat, his Fiesta Bowl t-shirt, his Fiesta Bowl underwear, his Fiesta Bowl socks, his Fiesta Bowl keychain, etc.  He’s done watching the Fiesta Bowl DVD, reliving the salad days from nine months ago.  IT’S OVER!!!!  No more of this crap.  This team needs to get off its ass now!  It’s show time, people!!!!

Anyhoo….

It’s times like these, when Zagco’s deep, profound love for Boise State can only be explained by the magical words of the late, great Barry White, who gave us the Love Unlimited Orchestra.  When Zagco hears these words from his favorite Barry White song, he feels the love that you can only feel for that special woman or your favorite college football team:

I've heard people say that
Too much of anything is not good for you, baby
Oh no
But I don't know about that
There's many times that we've loved
We've shared love and made love
It doesn't seem to me like it's enough
There's just not enough of it
There's just not enough
Oh oh, babe
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe  

Boise State will defeat Wyoming .  Solid.

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