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| Zag's Frags.. Week 3
Story URL: http://boisestate.scout.com/2/679712.html | |
| Benngy Moses, aka Zagco BroncoCountry.com | Sep 14, 2007 |
|
BroncoCountry.com is proud to bring you Zag's Frags.. musings and WAC football predictions from the irrepressible, irreverent and sometimes irrational Zagco. From Honolulu to Ruston, Moscow to Las Cruces and beyond, Zagco tells you exactly what you need to know about what is happening this week in the WAC. ZAG’S FRAGS:
2007 WEEK 3 Copyright Zagco Zagco
had a wonderful time in The
Huskies were a solid football team. Give
them full credit. Jake Locker is a
weapon. These Huskies certainly
conjure up memories of the Jim Lambright Dynasty, as a 7-4 record seems almost
certain at this point (although there is no “Sun Bowl” anymore).
Think how good they’d be if their wide receivers could catch the ball! Anyhoo,
the outcome of the game was MASSIVELY disappointing in so many ways.
Zagco has gone through several stages of grief:
Denial, anger, rage, sudden euphoria, paranoid delusions, temporary crack
abuse, hitting on dudes while sitting on the crapper in bathrooms, etc.
He was going to lash out with all kinds of choice words for players and
coaches. He was even thinking about
moving past the “football phase” of his life and becoming more of a classic
literature aficionado. He thought
long and hard about pulling a Kaiser Söze…. Alas,
when Zagco received the following letter from his friend, the nicely dressed
black mamba named Rizzo, who is back out on the road with his assistant
Chaka-kan the water buffalo helping England Dan and John Ford Coley work some
smaller venues while they hone their big comeback song (the remake of
Queensryche’s Jet City Woman, and they are also working on a version of Sheryl
Crowe’s “Steve McQueen”), Zagco felt that it would be best to let
Rizzo’s post-game analysis speak for itself.
Hence,
Rizzo’s letter to Zagco: Dear Zagco: Hope everything is well with you. I’m fine. Chaka-kan is also fine, and he’s not drinking as much as last summer. Stevie showed up last night, drunker than a skunk wearing those hot pants and some torn fishnets (she knows I love trashy women) and wanting some late night noogie, but I told her to kiss my patootie. I’ve about had it with her sneaking around with Lindsey. She kept following me around, yelling “I will NOT be IGNORED,” as if she was some kind of post-modern Glen Close in a re-make of Fatal Attraction. Crazy bitch. Saw the game, and
I’m sure you are down and out. I
understand. I felt the same way when
When the 1980’s-era butt rock band called Whitesnake made a video for the ballad “Here I Go Again,” they could have given us a video showing a cool car and their fantastic hair and gyrating hips. It would have been fine, because it was a damn good song. But, Whitesnake didn’t do that. They didn’t stop there. They didn’t just give us a video with a Jaguar and a shot of them playing on a soundstage; they gave us a pre-alcoholic, pre-beating-Chuck-Finley-with-her-stiletto-heels-while-driving-down-Sunset-Boulevard Tawny Kitaen, with that hot body and big hair slithering up and down and around and inside that Jag. God, do you remember how you felt when you first saw that video? Tawny Kitaen?! THE Tawny Kitaen!!! The same smokin’ hot metal groupie that adorned the cover of Ratt’s 1984 Out of the Cellar LP and starred in Bachelor Party (not to mention the Indiana Jones knockoff “The Perils of Gwendolyn)! Whitesnake gave us a good metal ballad, a cool car, some action shots of them singing, and Tawny Kitaen. Nice. Now, remember at the end of the Fiesta Bowl when the Broncos won the game? They could have run a draw. But, they didn’t. They ran a Statue of Freakin’ Liberty!!! You know what that is, Zag? That’s style. That’s balls. That’s the King Freakin’ Cobra of the football world is what that is, my bipedal friend! What I saw last week
from your Boise State Broncos against the Huskies of Washington was that
Whitesnake video without Tawny Kitaen. I
saw the draw play in the Fiesta Bowl. It
made me shake my head, and it made me cry. At any rate, Zaggy, I realize this is a somewhat elliptical and metaphoric analysis, but I am at a point in my life (as you know) where I often think that the best way to offer advice and criticism is to do in an indirect or unexpected way, similar to how the Germans went around the Maginot Line in World War II. Chaka-kan and I plan
on working another few days with these guys, but we told them we had to be back
in Take care. Your friend, Rizzo P.S. Have you seen the Director’s Cut of Wild Things? If not, run—DO NOT WALK—to the nearest movie store.
Zagco
is not going to waste his time analyzing this game.
Here’s
another joke of a game. What’s the
point in analyzing it? Zagco is not
going to patronize his readers by pretending to really think about this game.
Nike’s
Marketing Department will defeat
Now,
they go to Vega$, where your wildest dreams can come true.
The Mountain West Conference’s Runnin’ Rebels are 1-1, with a win on
the road at Zagco
is not 100% confident in this game, but he’s about 98.6% confident.
If it’s not a blowout, the Rainbow Warriors can always try to convince
the poll voters that what happens in Vega$ stays in Vega$.
Right
off the bat, please allow Zagco to say that he was relatively impressed with how
Reno hung in there against Northwestern last week, although they did implode
late in the game. After the first
week’s humiliating loss to Zagco
is not a big UTEP Miners v. This
is another tough game for UTEP
is 1-1, with a win against Zagco
has a bad feeling about The
Miners will defeat the Aggies.
Zagco
kinda likes Anyhoo,
Zagco’s admiration for Vandal headman Rob Akey went up even further when he
read this snippet earlier this week in Brian Murphy’s column in the Idaho
Statesman (link: http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/157512.html)
: When asked — again — about the roster turnover that occurred this
off-season, Akey did not shy away from the topic or the circumstances that led
to the turnover. Drug use, cheating and stealing all played a part, Akey said. “It’s closer to 19 (kids). There were two kids in that group who
decided that college football wasn’t for them for any longer,” Akey said. “And the rest of them was some sort of a character flaw, basically. I
was amazed with some of the things we dealt with in regards to the drug
involvement, the cheating, the stealing, and things like that. Zagco, as an Meanwhile,
Yonus Davis will not play in this game. Adam Tafralis, who injured an arm last week, will play, although Coach Dick Tomey—a
totally decent guy—actually played him at wide receiver (!) for a few plays
last week. Stanford
sucks, or should Zagco say “Stanford suck.”
The Cardinal is 0-1, and it lost to UCLA by a score of 45-17.
However, this is a big game for Stanford because it gets to play in its
new stadium. Its fan should be
really, really excited. Zagco
expects a barnburner. Stanford
will defeat San Jose Can You See.
MEMO
TO THE BOISE STATE OFFENSIVE LINE, A/K/A THE “CATTLE IN SEATTLE”:
Get off your asses and knock someone down. MEMO
TO MR. RYAN CLADY: Four penalties
sucks. Get to work with those 15
pound dumbbells. MEMO
TO THE OFFENSE: You have to really want
to score, and you can’t be afraid to do it. MEMO
TO THE DEFENSE: Nice second half
recovery, but you didn’t look much more inspired than the offense.
You kept the game from getting out of hand, but so did the 4 or 5 second
half drops by wide open MEMO
TO TITUS YOUNG: We need you, like
the flower needs the rain. Don’t
let it go to your head. Zagco’s concerns about 1.
What’s going on with the offensive line?
Against Weber, our backups couldn’t do anything.
Last week, our starters looked crappy with respect to run blocking.
They looked good with pass blocking.
This unit should be a strength, but what we’ve seen so far leads Zagco
to wonder if we overestimated what we have. 2.
Is Ian Johnson a lone man?
Our backups were completely a nonfactor last week.
Wow. We cannot play with one
running back. 3.
Taylor Tharp had a good game in many respects, but four
turnovers is four too many. He’s
got an impressive pocket presence, but he failed to run on a couple occasions
when everyone could see that the run was there.
We cannot completely cede this part of the game.
4.
The dropped pick early in the game was a killer.
That was an easy pick, similar in some respects to Andy Avalos’ pick in
the Liberty Bowl. We had other picks
that we missed. The defense has got
to WANT to take the ball away. Don’t
be afraid. 5.
Where’s the playcalling style?
Zagco’s sorry, but last week’s playcalling would have made a
post-modern Darrell Royal proud. Zagco’s
not talking trick plays either, just some kind of theme or inspiration.
From the get-go, our offense played on its heels.
Especially when we drove down close, our playcalling often seemed to be
designed to put us in holes that we were forever digging out from.
Some might argue it was execution, but Zagco just felt like the
playcalling was rather lame, and he agrees the execution sucked too. 6.
When are the Cheerleaders going to
QUIT leading the “ 7.
Frankly, Zagco thinks we need to
go deep over the middle a few more times. What’s
to lose? Just go up top.
Go deep. It’ll make them
think. You WANT them to think. 8.
How did we get into a situation
where we have two freshmen leading our kicking games?
How did that happen? Regardless,
it’s time to get over the nerves. Zagco
was averaging 35 yards per punt when he was in junior high school!
Crap!!! Where’s Ray Guy? 9.
51 yard field goal attempts on the
road with a freshman kicker when you’re down by two touchdowns and would still
need to score two touchdowns to win the game even if the kick was good?
Seriously?!? Wonder what
defense 10.
The defense also has to WANT to
tackle someone. Generally, the other
team doesn’t fall down when you touch them. Zagco
knows his analysis sounds harsh, but he’s had it!
Zagco is done pussyfooting around, walking around town with a glazed look
in his eyes as he wears his Fiesta Bowl hat, his Fiesta Bowl t-shirt, his Fiesta
Bowl underwear, his Fiesta Bowl socks, his Fiesta Bowl keychain, etc.
He’s done watching the Fiesta Bowl DVD, reliving the salad days from
nine months ago. IT’S OVER!!!!
No more of this crap. This
team needs to get off its ass now! It’s
show time, people!!!! Anyhoo…. It’s
times like these, when Zagco’s deep, profound love for Boise State can only be
explained by the magical words of the late, great Barry White, who gave us the
Love Unlimited Orchestra. When Zagco
hears these words from his favorite Barry White song, he feels the love that you
can only feel for that special woman or your favorite college football team: I've
heard people say that
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